Monday, June 18, 2012

Through the Bully's Eyes

During our radio show on Bullying with Vicki Abadesco, I realized that I was approaching the issue from the perspective of receiving bullying.  Vicki, however, approaches the issue from the perspective of the bully.

Once I understand what's going on in the bully's life, the label of bully comes off and I can feel more empathy for that child.  Not that it negates what happened to the child they were bullying, but it puts the situation in a different perspective.

When Vicki talked about finding out what is happening in the bully's life and empathizing, I immediately felt a wall of resistance fall and I was able to empathize with that child.  This helped me to undo all of the teasing I received as a child.

Vicki's response: Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings.  Your experience is exactly what most young people feel.  When they walk around with "why is the bullying happening to me" and internalize all of those feelings of hurt, rejection, anger, confusion, sadness, etc. they don't really get an answer to that question.

When victims hear about what someone is going through - the labels fall away from both the bully and the victim.  There is empathy from and with both sides and the playing field is evened out.

Hear Vicki's entire interview about bullying at:

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